She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize