Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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