thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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