if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
zippers are such a cool invention
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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