apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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