I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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