everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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