ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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