I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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