put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize