You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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