I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
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You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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