**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Green mimosas i think yes
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wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
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Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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