Please, let me fuck your mom
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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