Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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