I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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