I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize