I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am one with the molecules
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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