I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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