Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize