party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
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I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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