what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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