So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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