like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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