need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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