I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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