I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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