i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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