Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my being single is dangerous.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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