So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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