Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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