Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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