Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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