Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize