His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize