How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize