Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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