do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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