I just found puke in my bra..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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