It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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