Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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