You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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