Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize