he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize