Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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