I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize