A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you never un-have a 4some
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