i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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