overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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