I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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